What am I doing here again? If you’ve followed me through the years then you will know, of course, that I have an impending deadline, the kind that makes me turn my head this way and that in an effort to avoid looking at precisely the one thing that I should be looking at. We’d like to think that we grow as people, but maybe we dont change that much after all, or at all.
This time round it is a five thousand word paper on contemporary writing, liminal spaces, and again, what is realism? What? Why are we so preoccupied with what the real is? Does it matter? Of course it doesn’t – but that does nothing to change the fact that I have to write this paper, like it or not.
Another thing that irks me as I am talking about this is how incredibly trivial it seems, to be annoyed by something like this, in a time where life is more or less good. I spent all of yesterday on set for Laneige, my favourite korean beauty brand, and the day before filming for a new episode of Hype Hunt. The work is hard and the hours are long but I enjoy it. I write this down in my planner at the end of every day: what I’ve done that day that I’m happy with, or proud of, and things that are pending and need to be done, and I’m generally satisfied or happy with the way things are shaping up. So why the everlasting need to poke holes in it? Happiness is not a paper balloon. Maybe it’s human nature. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe we all need a bit of dissatisfaction, or frustration, to propel us forward. This is an opinion that I have tried very hard to unsubscribe from over the years, and I am generally successful, but sometimes – a day, an hour, a minute in a year – I find myself looking at it in the face and thinking: maybe, just maybe.