Currently listening to:what katie did by the libertines

On Andrea
White Top: Topshop
Shorts: MNG
Heels: Jeffrey Campbell

Facebook, like most things, goes through ebbs and flows of trends. Usually these are fun. There was that period in 2009 when EVERYONE was doing those “tag five of your friends to do this” and “THE TRUTH EXPOSED!!!!” and “click shuffle on your iPod and put the song name down as the answer to each question” (yeah right, i always cheated on this) quizzes on Facebook notes where everyone answered a bunch of about forty questions in a way that tries to make your life sound interesting and witty in the most casual, blasé way ever. (right after typing this i went back and privatized all my notes, they DID get kind of embarrassing) Here’s an example:

Didnt realise the iron was on.

i was clearly a genius back then.

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
MATH. oh wait thats not a person.

well looks like nothing’s changed there.

Speaking of which, some of them had those chain email style postscripts attached to the bottom of the note, you know the kind that goes ‘tag five friends and something good will happen to you today’, ‘don’t tag anyone and bloody mary will visit you tonight’ and so on. Well, i just checked back and i was supposed to get MARRIED by 2010 well lets see where that has gotten me. (btw on a side note you can guess how many people i must have tagged ha ha ha MARRIED. Thats WAY transcending the whole ultimate ‘your crush will confess to you tonight’ number of forwards.)

Anyway, i digress.

My point was that Facebook goes through all these TRENDS- there was that one where everyone started setting cartoon characters as their profile pictures (ooh i liked that one) and the recent one where EVERYONE was sharing 9gag/tumblr photos on Facebook (HATED this trend, sparked off so much angst i actually unfriended some people). But the one i disliked by far was the one where everyone started using their baby photos as profile pictures.

I say it in the most truthful way possible when i tell you that i was in no way a cute kid. Im not even saying this in the way pretty girls call themselves ugly before going on to take a million photographs of themselves or how skinny girls bend over just to pinch their flat stomachs and moan about being fat (piss off). No, i say this in the most f a c t u a l way possible. I was quite a disaster of a child.

Basically when my dad reminisces my childhood days the one word and facial expression he surmises me into is ‘spastic’. My own father. I get reminded a lot that i vomitted all over my parents in my sleep and that when i was seven, a stranger aka a three year old girl in a pram laughed at me for getting ice cream all over my face. What a meanie. I am not holding out high hopes for how that kid turned out. Also my father is a pastor and my mother is a pastor’s wife (duh) so they don’t lie about these things.

You can see how this trend was a problem for me.

While all my friends were having pictures of themselves pouting prettily at the camera (seriously who taught them that is there a child photography course i missed out on) and having relatively clean, non spastic, ice cream free faces, my best photo was one at the zoo with my sister where i was glaring at the camera with my pink shirt tucked half in half out into my purple jeans. I was CLEARLY cutting edge fashion back in the days. pink and purple. Goodness.

To be honest i have no idea where I’m going with this post, so if you’re expecting a punchline at the end… sorry. Some ten years later and i still have terrible dress sense and i get food everywhere on the table and my face when i eat. I think the only thing i have to say about this is DONT psychoanalyze the hell out of the fact that i was so miffed re this Facebook photo trends thing and conclude that i was a complete sheep ala herd mentality. I was fourteen, okay. Kids want to follow trends at fourteen. its meant to be FUN. I know this because i have a fourteen year old sister… ok no now she’s seventeen i think; they just keep growing up so fast! Which basically amounts to the same.

Dear friends, i was a sheep.